After the Storm

So another Thanksgiving has come and gone. I ended up making dinner for Friendsgiving on Saturday. I have never made a more excellent bird. 23lbs. Maple Glaze. Bacon wrapped. Diet destruction. You see all these articles and tv shows that show you how to eat healthy during the holidays. Um, yeah right. Let's see stuffed mushrooms or the parsley on the veggie tray. I even saw an article once telling you to bring your own baggy of veggies. Well hello handsome man, excuse me while I get a carrot out of my purse. What these? Oh no it's just that I am um allergic to sprinkles. And cream cheese. And fun. Ha ha. I know if you do everything in moderation it's not that bad. But after a few cups of eggnog it's so easy to forget where the moderation is. So that's my goal. I know I won't be able to abstain from all the deliciousness of the holidays but I have switched to red wine to control my drinking (I don't like it very much so I don't drink a lot of it) and I am going to try to eat at home as much as I can and snack on healthy foods before going out. My biggest problem is this whole exercise thing. I just can't get motivated. I am sure a little of it is depression but I am so tired all the time. I know that it's hard to start and hard to stop. I just want to find the motivation to get going. I hate that my body is sore and tense. I hate that I'm not losing weight. (Side note-I don't think I'll be making my first goal. It bums me out but I have no one to blame but myself.) It's like playing hide and seek with the exercise idea and I have found a really good hiding spot. I always say tomorrow morning I am going to get up and do it! Yeah! And then the alarm goes off and I spend an hour hitting the snooze button only to bolt out of bed and rush through the morning routine becase I am now late. When I get home it's dinner, Jack, exhaustion, tv, bed. Where's Tony Robbins when you need him? So instead of pissing and moaning here on my blog, I am going to get up and at least go through a stretching routine. At least it's a start. Right?

Attack of the Killer Turkey

So Thanksgiving is only a day away and I am gathering up all my will power to not wear sweats for the Knott's Berry Farm Thanksgiving day buffet. Somehow I feel like you are supposed to eat till you fall asleep in your sweet potatoes from all the tryptophan. I started a new thing this week. We won't call it a diet. We'll just call it alternative food therapy. Ha ha. It's called the Diet Cure. It's this book based on the concept that we as humans due to lack of good nutrition and stress become deprived of amino acids that are necessary to make our brains function properly. By supplementing these amino acids we can rebuild the way our brain works to control cravings, re-amp metabolisim, sleep better, exercise more effiecently, and in general improve our mental and physical health. It's short term therapy until we re-train our brains to function the way that they should. The supplements can't hurt anything and it seems pretty straightforward so I'm trying it. After 24 hours I felt better, more alert, I could focus for the first time in weeks. Taking a daily vitamin is always a good step so that's at least a positive by product of all of this. Hopefully this will give my body the jump start that it needs to get out of hibernation mode. I mean, it's winter and all but who really wants to be a giant bear? So as I get ready for the big gobble gobble day wish me luck and please hide all my elastic wasted pants.

May Day May Day

She's going down! SOS! Ok, so I'm not gaining weight, but I'm not losing it either. I have completely lost my motivation. Send search and rescue! Get the bloodhounds! I can't believe that it's been less than 2 months and I am already struggling! Where's the proverbial carrot in front of the mule? Well I must have eaten the carrot. And his hay. Why is this so hard?!?! I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty discouraged right now. You see these shows on tv and think hey! I can do that! But all they do is work out with a personal trainer and nutritionist and they don't lose the weight while dealing with everyday stress like meetings, and kids, and Christmas presents. Their only worry is will the hot trainer think my ass is too fat. Ha ha. And the worst part is I am so close! My first goal was to get to 199 and that's only 10 lbs. The holiday party is only 3 weeks away! Here we go again with the cycle. Set goals early, slack, get close, panic, crash diet, give up. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. I'm Lesli and I'm a can'tkeepmyweightlossaholic. So, I am going to do what I can to not panic. I'm not gonna crash diet. I'm just going to start tomorrow as a new day and do better. That's all I can really do.

Keeping the Chin Up

I am sitting here at the end of the weekend feeling like a little bit of a failure. I was all set for a mellow weekend and somehow ended up going out every day. I didn't make the best food decisions. I know that you shouldn't beat yourself up for slipping up but I am feeling pretty down about it. This whole process was supposed to be about finding my motivation and I seem to keep losing it. I think I've been trying to do this half heartedly. I need to make a lot of life changes in order to suceed. I seem to be doing a good job of setting my goals, and talking about my goals, but not really getting to my goals. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to get counseling to work through a lot of these issues that I think are the route of my emotional eating. Tomorrow is Monday and the start of a new week. I am still hopeful. I am going to prepare to get up early and workout. I need to be better at being prepared. That's the girl scout motto you know, be prepared. I was a girl scout for 10 years. One would think I would be a little better at the prepared thing. So that being said I am going to sign off, get out my gym clothes, and get some sleep.

Encouragement

Tonight I had dinner with one of my favorite people. I love her to death and unfortunately just don't get to see enough of her. She started a new job at a Christian company in which they have to go to Bible Study. I am so encouraged by the transformation I see in her. Not physically but emotionally. She's never been particularly religious or spiritual. I am so proud of her for being so open to God's love. It's amazing how he works and I see the light that's slowly coming out from within and I am so relieved. She's going through some challenges in life and now she's found through faith a partner to help her through everything. While I was talking to her I realized that my own faith has been lacking and that I have been trying to make and do all of these challenges on my own. That could be why it's been such a struggle. Everyone needs help and I am not impervious to this. You don't have to believe in one specific God to have faith and everyone believes in something. I am by by faith a Christian and I think over the past couple of years I have forgotten where my faith lies. So far I have lost 8 lbs. But it's been a struggle. Somehow I thought once I made my mind up to do this it would all just come very easily. Turns out I was wrong. I have lost a little faith in my abilities and my will power but after tonight my faith has been renewed. I am now encouraged and tomorrow beings a new day fresh with my new perspective.

Acta Non Verba

Talk about a wake up call! I just got the pictures from Halloween and my Alice in Wonderland costume and all I can say is OMG! That will serve as motiviation for a long long time. I look terrible! It's like Alice at the cookie that turned her into the Michelin man. I was feeling okay earlier this morning but that just sent me falling down the rabbit hole. Yikes! Glad I passed on that donut this morning because I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. It's like in our heads we can make these excuses and talk ourselves out of reality and make ourselves feel better. Self preservation is a load of crap. The reality is that I am overweight. Maybe not by catastrophic proportions but enough to make me unhealthy and my pants a little too tight. I wore this pair of jeans the other day and I am pretty sure I sliced my spleen in half. Who wants to be that uncomfortable? Not me thank you very much. I am tired of unbuttoning, covering, elastic-ing my life. Seeing those pictures was...well....devestating. I can't continue down this path. I need to treat myself better because I have a 4 year old that's counting on me to live a long and healthy life. A couple girls at work are reading The Diet Cure. I think I'll pick it up this weekend. After all the holiday party is in exactly 4 and 1/2 weeks. So the new motto is Acta Non Verba. Deeds not words. Happy Friday everyone!

Yesterday was Halloween. Let me just start by saying that I hate Halloween. I don't like to be scared, I don't like people in masks, and I don't like all of the teeny tiny costumes that for one night the world doesn't deem as inappropriate attire. For some reason wedding dresses and Halloween costumes are made smaller than the normal size. Now don't you think that days centered around fantasy that you would want to feel smaller not bigger? Hello manufacturers! I went to a party last night in Downtown HB and I was by far one of the biggest girls in there. I tried to not let it affect me. I tried to numb my pain with Corona Light. But there were all these beautiful girls in barely there costumes (PS-just because you put slutty in front of a costume doesn't make it a good costume.) It was hard not to feel awkward. But I powered through and to salvage what little self confidence I had left we went over to Gallaghers to see my friend Alex. Stiff drinks and good friends ended the night on a good note. I might have gone a little past my limit but the good news is that I threw everything up so I lessened my caloric intake. Ha ha. I woke up this morning feeling a little sub-par and instead of giving in to my hangover and getting some Mickey D's I got up and met my girlfriend Kelly for brunch. A fiesta veggie scramble and fresh fruit was a much better choice. Also, because I was now out of the house I could run errands like going to the grocery store. I got the stuff for fresh basil and tomato pasta, fish tacos with onions and fresh cilantro, salads...so this week is going to start off on a much healthier note. My goal this week is to start a routine with exercise. My inconsistency is not acceptable at this point. I have been doing this for almost three weeks and I have exercised maybe 4 times. I don't ever want to go through another Halloween feeling the way I felt last night....